6 Şubat 2014 Perşembe
Facing the world
Every time I try to write something my mind goes blank. I have thoughts though. Mostly, weird ones and dumb ones. I haven't been feeling anxious lately. That is pretty good. I have been feeling zen, way too zen towards things I used to freak out about. Future! I just feel like 'whatever will be, will be' and, although this sounds and makes me feel good I can help but wonder..wait, you have to do things too, in order to not panic later on or not achieve what you want. Trouble is I don't want to achieve anything and that makes me a dull person. All I want to do is sing and collect plants and, sew. I can't fully trust my zen state. I am sure it will pass and I'll become anxious about stupid things again. I think when you get older you realize that being worried and stressed out about your future or all your insecurities, is useless and immature. But, I do not think that's the point. I think what happens is one gets worn out and, become to accept the fact that one has to face things, sooner or later, good or bad..happy or sad. You slightly mold yourself into the system. I am used to being anxious; just wanted to document my zen period, cause well that's rare. Today I am wearing a dress my grandmother gave to me. On the day she gave me the dress, she was also giving us all little things she had, her belongings; she called my uncle and said - I want to give you something precious that belonged to your father and he'd love for you to use it too. She handed him my grandpa's dentures.